Take Me Out to the Ball Game

When I was a little girl ... five or so ... my parents took me and another little friend to a ball game. I really can't understand why -- I don't think I asked to be taken ... I don't think I showed even one ounce of interest in baseball at all at that age. I remember none of it ... except for the stories which came afterward -- stories of me spending the entire time facing the BACK of the stadium looking for the hot dog man. THAT I believe ...

When I was a bigger girl ... twenty or so ... my boyfriend Blob took me to another baseball game. (His name wasn't Blob back then ... that's just what he devolved into). I really can't understand why -- I don't think I asked to be taken. I don't think I showed even one ounce of interest in baseball at all at that age. I remember none of it ... except for the part where Blob got my under aged butt a huge bucket of beer (he was 32 at the time ...) and then embarrassed me by shelling an entire bag of peanuts and throwing the remains all over the floor. "Stop doing that!" I'd hissed ... "Everyone here does it!" he'd replied, but all I saw was a bunch of people giving him dirty looks.

When I was a bit older ... thirty something or so ... Won't, his sister Nat, and the extended group of friends were excited about the Subway Series and asked me to come watch the opening game in a bar with them. I really can't understand why -- I don't think I asked to be invited. I don't think I showed even an ounce of interest in baseball at that age ...ahhh, but wait. Here's the paradigm shift, kiddies ...

The 2000 Subway Series got me completely hooked. Hooked isn't even the word; I was completely obsessed. For the first time in my life I really understood what it meant to be a fan and root (root, root) for the home team.  You have to understand that my interest in sports was so lacking that when I was a sales assistant at Sport Magazine I garnered months of ribbing after I asked my manager "Is hockey a pro sport?"

My friend from Boston, Ant, said to me one day back then, "You know, the rest of the country doesn't care about this World Series ... only New York cares." And I'd replied, "New York doesn't CARE that no one else cares. If New York had its way it would be a Subway Series every time!" I got so wrapped up in the game that I actually bought one of those little vanity magazines that listed all the players, I talked baseball with guys in the hall, I asked everyone if they were following the game, and when the final game fell on my parent's anniversary I tapped my foot nervously, wondering if I'd have enough time to finish up the play I'd taken them to (The Best Man) and still get to Won't and Nat who were in a bar down near Charles Street in time to see if we won. ("We" being the Yankees ... since that's the team my friends were rooting for. I secretly rooted for both).   Can you believe it?  Broadway vs. Baseball ... and Baseball actually winning?  Well, the play did end in time, (and much to the glee of the entire audience, at the curtain call one of the main characters stepped out of the line to announce the score ...) and I did get to the bar, and I did scream and hollar as the Yankees won, and I did linger in that bar with Won't and Nat afterwards and bask in the glow of being a Real Sports Fan.

And then it all vanished as quickly as it came.  Years went by, and I always remembered the Subway Series of 2000 fondly ... but I'd never had a desire to recreate it whatsoever.  

Recently there's been a lot of talk about how Yankee Stadium is closing ... so much so that I didn't even realize that Shea Stadium (home of the Mets) was closing down as well. What I DO know is that Yankee tickets were going for hundreds of dollars these past weeks ... whereas Quibbit got some Mets tickets for free when he donated some blood a few weeks back.

I thought it was quaint that he brought them to me with the idea that we'd actually go to the game. I nodded an enthusiastic "maybe" but really ... I sincerely doubted I'd go.

But an outing is an outing and when the day finally came this week I was actually in the mood to get out there. We took the (relatively quick) subway ride out to Shea and, once there, could actually feel the excitement in the air. We got there early so that we could scope the place out and wander around ... our seats were way up high (of course) but the great thing about stadiums is the stadium seating (duh ...) and from our seats we could see everything. We sat out in the wonderful night air, taking in the sky, the crowd, the atmosphere, eating five dollar hot dogs and drinking eight dollar beverages.  I was completely immersed and having a great time!

By the time the game started, I was ready. At one point I cheered loudly, my arms pumping the air, thrilled to join my voice to the thousands who were screaming too. "Did you see that?" Quibbit asked, "The blah bla blah did this bla blah bla thing and the ..." I finally just held up my hand and said "Boo ... I don't know what happened. I just scream when everyone else does". Trust me ... it's really fun to scream your head off and be joyful just for the experience of it.  I doubt anyone around me could tell that I was actually completely clueless about the whole thing.

While we were sitting there, during a lull, I told Quibbit the story of a sales conference we'd had while I was at Sport Magazine. The 2 assistants (myself and another girl) tagged along to all the outings during the conference, nights at Smith and Wollensky or other places that served meat with a side of meat ... followed by drinks in various sports bars till the wee hours. The guys were accomodating and told us everything we wanted to know about the various games we watched. One guy said to me, "Here, let me teach you a phrase that will work on any guy ... if he takes you out to a game or a sports bar, and everyone is cheering, turn to him and say 'That was a particularly high percentage play!" If everyone's booing, say the opposite 'That wasn't a particularly high percentage play!" It will impress whatever guy you're with." Throughout the years I've pulled that little gem out of my bag of tricks often, and I've always been grateful to that anonymous sales guy ... because it always did get a rather good response.

Eventually as the game at Shea wore on it got really cold outside, and Quibbit and I decided to go home, even though the game was still in full swing -- we'd had a good time, and it really didn't matter to either of us who won the game (yes, blasphemous, I know).  And I'm also really glad that I got to go to one ball game at Shea Stadium.  Ahh, Shea, I hardly knew ye.  Thanks for all the memories.  Or, you know, just the one.  But still ... thanks.

Would You Like A Free Transit Map? Free Map? Would You Like A Free Map? Transit Map? Did You Get Your Free Map? Would You Like One? Free Map?

It's always nice to volunteer for something that takes you outside for the day, especially when the weather is as nice as it was today.

I work for a pretty big, well known company and we launched a really big feature today, so I was happy to help distribute some free wallet sized transit maps that had some of our branding on them.  There were teams of us all over New York today.

I stood in front of Port Authority with 3 of my other co-workers, all of us decked out in matching t-shirts that advertised our new feature, all of us handing out these useful little transit maps.  Surprisingly, people were really friendly and fun (who doesn't want a free sample of something?) and in the 3 hours that we were out there I have to say that not one person was rude, and maybe only 10 people walked by without making any eye contact at all.  Even the people who weren't interested at least smiled and said something.  I handed out almost 1,300 cards ... that's a lot of smiles.

I'm not an Ian McShane fan ... let me just say that right up front.  In fact, I make a point out of saying so every time I see that movie trailer for Death Race.  Not him again I always hiss to Quibbit in the dark as he nods for the millionth time, I can't stand him!

But there I was today, standing on the corner by Port Authority, handing out these maps, smiling brightly at each person passing by, doing my patter Free Map?  Would you like a transit map?  Did you get one?  Can I give you a map?  Free Map?  Would you like a free map? ... when there he was.  Ian McShane -- walking right toward me as I just kept doing my schtick to everyone ... and he actually made eye contact, flashed me a brilliant, genuine smile, said "No thanks, Darlin'" and went back to his conversation.  Hmmmmm.  I take it all back, Ian McShane.  You are a really terrific guy.  I'm happy to add you to my list.

Chocolate and Pickles? Yes. Chocolate. And. Pickles.

 Just a few more weeks now!  Quibbit, Mom, Dad and I have been getting all the final pieces of the wedding into place -- flowers, menu, accessories ... and Quibbit and I got the marriage license this week ... amazing.  But also a bit overwhelming.  Go here, check this, count that, set this up, don't forget these things, have this done by Wednesday, send this contract to that address before this amount of time ... it's a lot to keep in your brain, no matter how much help you get or how much fun it is.

So I thought we all needed a break this weekend.  I'd decided a few months back to give out truffles as wedding favors, but we were still deciding on which chocolatier to use.  We'd gotten a few suggestions, so we decided to check out one of them: MarieBelle, a wonderful chocolate shop filled with beautiful items up front and featuring a quaint Cacao Bar / Tea Salon in the back where you can have crepes (sweet or savory) and choose from several different hot chocolates (from the relatively mild Aztec - only 63% cacao - to the mischievous Spicy - spiked with cinnamon, nutmeg and chipotle) made one of two ways (European style with water, or American style with milk).  

The shop had so many things to offer, but my favorite were these Pin-Up Girls Chocolates that were really retro and kitchy.  Part of me wanted to pick these as wedding favors but I didn't think it would go over well with some of the people who didn't get my 1) sense of humor and 2) love of camp.  Still, there's no law saying I can't send them along as Christmas presents ...

We wound up spending around 2 hours in the salon, really just enjoying our crepes, our cocoa, and conversation.  It was relatively empty when we got there at 1:00 but by 3:00 every seat was taken and people were waiting ... so I suggest getting there early if you plan on going for brunch.

It just so happens that on the VERY SAME DAY that we decided to go to MarieBelle's ON THE VERY SAME STREET (Broome Street -- but further east ... down by Orchard Street) they were holding the Eight Annual Pickle Day!  And if there's one thing Quibbit loves, it's a pickle.  So we took the 15 block walk to the Lower East Side (slowly ... it was pretty hot out) and when we got there the fair was in full swing.  Almost TOO much of a swing ... lines were long, stalls were packed, ever inch of sidewalk was taken up by people walking left to right ... unless it was taken up by the other people walking right to left.  We were able to get some pickle samples, but ultimately they were few and far between.   Still, I'd grown up in New York, knowing about the pickle district and knowing that a real pickle doesn't come in a jar off a shelf any more than a real ravioli comes in a can.  But Quibbit didn't grow up in this magical land, so it was good for him to see The Pickle Guys and Guss' Pickles up close and in person.  I promised we'd come back again when it wasn't so  ... pickley.  I mean ... it was a great day, but I think we'll have more fun going back some time in winter.  Just in time for the Christmas Pickle Tree.

We finished up the day by wandering over to Ludlow Street where we ducked into the cool, dark Pianos for some great Original Sin cider and chicken fingers.   Hey, it can't all be chocolate and pickles all the time!  At some point I got a little tipsy ... and when (in the spirit of the day) Quibbit called me a pretty smart pickle I replied "That's right!  I'm a Smitty Part Pickle!"  I found this uproariously funny and repeated it waaaaay too many times but again ... tipsy.  I made Quibbit promise to call me a Smitty Part Pickle some unexpected time in the future.  Maybe it CAN be all pickles all the time ...

Operator!

Oh no!  My Something Or Other from XYZ Company isn't working!  I better call them right away and straighten this out!

Luvvie: [dialing] Oh, so happy there's a customer service number. This will be solved in no time!

Robot:  Hello, and welcome to the XYZ Company.  Our menu has changed recently so please listen carefully to all options.  Para Espanol, press ZERO. To buy another Something Or Other, press or say ONE.  To find out about our new and improved Something Or Other, press or say SEVEN.  If you are calling from out of state, press or say TWO.  To hear this menu again at any time, press pound.  Wait, we're not done ...  To learn the history of our company, press or say FIVE.  To find the nearest store in your area, press or say THREE.  To speak to a customer representative, press or say EIGHT.

Luvvie:  Yay!  Finally! [pressing eight] Just a few more seconds now!

Robot: [Pretending to be human]  Okay.  Before we begin I'll need some information from you. Press or say the fourteen digit account code so I can locate your records.    

Luvvie: Wait ... I only see five numbers in my account.  Where are the other eleven?

Robot: I'm sorry, I didn't understand what you said.  Could you repeat the number?

Luvvie: I didn't say any number yet.

Robot: Okay, I think I'm going to need a little more information.  If you're calling from your home phone, please say "yes".

Luvvie: [to herself]  Ha!  I can outsmart this dang computer.  I'll press "0" for operator till I get a human being!

Robot: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you said.  If you're calling from your home phone ...

Luvvie:  [pressing frantically] zero ... zero ... zero ... [faster] zero zero zero zero zero zero zero [and faster] zerozerozerozero Dang why won't this work!  Operator!  Operator!!

Well, I'll tell you why it won't work.   Because companies have caught on to your little operator trick and have made it difficult to get a human on the phone that easily.  That's not to say that pressing zero repeatedly, faster and faster won't work for SOME companies, but for others, getting a human on the phone involves a tricky combination of numbers, pound signs and, in some cases, sneaky silence.   

But how do you know what diabolical combinations will work?  Hit 'em all and pray you get lucky?  Nah ... never that. Now you can go here and find out all the right combinations to press, the right words to say ... basically just the quickest way of getting a real human being on the phone.  Scroll down a bit on their website and find most every trick to most every company you'll ever need to call.  Poor "Emily" from Bell Canada.  She won't know what hit her.

Just another little helpful tip brought to you by Luvviepuffaroo.  You're welcome.